just a post

So again it's been a few days since I posted. Back to work after the holidays is always a stressful time...you've just got used to getting your life back and then before you realise you're back working evenings and weekends trying to keep on top of the work load!
Other things that have occurred since my last post:

1. A new puppy...although extra work she is amazing and increased my happiness beyond measure! Pets have always been part of my life since I was a child and I have always had a cat or a dog since I moved out. My last dog was put to sleep in July at the ripe old age of 14. He was a bit mental but we wouldn't have been without him. But 5 months without an animal in the house was too much, the house was soulless; now a little bundle of joy springs to greet me with love and licks every time I enter the house.

2. 35 days without a period makes me one ultra grouchy woman! This has caused much strain in the household and the relationship...and has left me with many questions about where my relationship is going and how do I want to live.  The nurse kindly notified me it was probably my age and that this could be the pattern of things to come...this worries me as I don't think I can continue with things the way they are if that's the case.

children of the significant other

This always troubles me as I begin to write a post. Sometimes they don't seem relevant at all and I don't want them to sound too pretentious!
Anyway, the last few days have been somewhat...I want to say awkward or strained but I'm not sure if that's what I mean. The bf's children came to visit and I always find this challenging. My children are young adults and although still at home they are self sufficient (for the most part) and therefore I have been able to return to pre-child freedom. His children are young and to be quite frank, irritating! I know they are kids but I can't help but feel annoyed that they are around. They seem rude and shouty, they bicker and are loud.
However, this could just be how I see them...I don't want young children in my life...this is an obvious dilemma in my relationship and it's going to be the cause of much grief, I realise that. I have finally forged myself a career and I now want to take advantage of the stable salary and thus I want to do things: weekends away, holidays, adult stuff basically but, I feel I will not be able to these things with him while we have to take into account them! His little holiday will be taken up with them and it will be assumed that I will be part of this and I want to say no! I know, I know this is incredibly selfish but I can't help how I feel...
Things will have to change but I'm not sure in which way...

New beginnings

Beginnings...where to start? What do I want from 2014? What will it offer me? I want to have time...that is the moat valuable commodity anyone could give me. I wonder if my lack of time is my own fault or if I genuinely don't have enough hours in the day. I spend far too much time on my tablet, mainly on social media,  spying on people, or at least that's what it feels like.

I want to be more consistent when it comes to writing on here. To gather and collate my snippets into something worth reading and writing. During my training  it was all about being reflective and that was one of the reasons I started this blog, to reflect on on all aspects of my life but so far it all stays in my head and I tend to mull things over during my commute. Although very therapeutic I can't easily flip back and remember how I felt or reacted to certain things or the ways I came up with to deal with life's shit! Sometimes it's difficult to find the time alone to write this as only you,  dear reader, know of this blogs existence!

But, for now, my first hope is to make 2014 the year where my blog becomes entwined in my life and as essential as my cup of tea and my cigarettes.

Happy new year to whoever stumbles across this sad little blog!

weekly round up

I lay in bed on this dull, but supposed to warm up later, Sunday morning trying to assess my week. I'm trying to think of the positive events and/or achievements that have happened over the past 7 days...

positive:

I survived another week of full time teaching and it was good. I'm enjoying getting to know lots of new classes and feel like I'm getting in the swing of things again.  Within this comes the realisation that if I am to be successful and not constantly tired I must get organised! Sitting down to dinner at 7.30 every evening is just not conducive to my well being and it doesn't help family harmony as by this time everyone is grumpy and snappy...is this turning into a negative? Anyway planning menus and getting my slow cooker back in action is the way forward methinks. Problem here arises when my mister doesn't like tomatoes in any form!!!! Argh, almost every recipe I have has said ingredient in and is of course the least fattening option...this is going to take some time to plan.

Negative:

I have never been so poor! This is a constant cause of worry.  Every month I have intentions of sorting out my finances but it seems an impossible task. I am dreading this month as it is mot and tax month. Today we are going on the hunt for a new fridge freezer and a washing machine,  nothing like the purchase of new white goods to lift the spirits. I have negotiated with my son and he has agreed to set up the direct debits and take the money off his monthly board. This means I know that they won't bounce and also gives me a little leeway on my choice - oddly this arrangement makes me think I can splash out a bit and not have to have the basic models...

positives on this Sunday morning:
I've just had great sex twice - yay!! And as the first was an early morning 5.45 booty call I have been awake ages and have already put the chicken in for dinner...that's what I call organised!

the blues

Need motivation....
1. Feeling awfully fat.
2. Every room in my house is a mess and needs tlc.
3. The final countdown to the end of term and I feel like I have more work than ever!

this all makes me uber stressed and can only be calmed with a large gin and tonic and this is a bad thing right?

grrr..camping snobs

 I have just read one of my favourite blogs and hastily deleted it....why you may ask. Camping snob...that's why! 'Oh we pitched our posh wigwam facing away from the caravans, England flags,  electric hook-ups and toilet blocks'

Obviously a fair weather camper... I have bunting, jam jars of wild grasses, an enamel teapot, crochet throws and many other vintage offerings, but reality check!  I've also got waterproofs, wellies, electric hook-up for the fridge, lighting and kettle! Yes as romantic as a whistling kettle on the stove may be it also eats up the gas!!

But then I am not a fair weather camper nor just a weekend camper so sometimes it is necessary to go prepared for whatever the great British weather may throw at you!

Okay got that off my chest!

Get over it!

Get over it...that is what I have to do...I spend far too much of my time stressing over shit I can't alter and that is bringing me down and making my life miserable.  Today must be about positive stuff!
The sun is shining so it's time to jump out of bed, do some work amd then poodle about in the garden...my life is good I just need to remember that.